Wow, I can’t tell if I’m being fooled or not but this is super crazy.
i know you probably won’t be able to respond to this but it makes me feel better knowing i tryed to comunicate my problems to someone. there is no easy way to describe my problem so ima start with my life story.
i’m 15 years old and in grade 11. i never had a proper child hood, my mom would always beat me every time i did somthing “wrong”, she would always stalk me and search my room an stuff evin though i had done nothing bad, through grade 6-8 my mom would randomly follow me to school and burst into my room an attempt to interigate me about were i had been an shit. the only time she ever backed off was one night at like 4 in the morning after she had broken into my room for like the 6th time that day i had a mental brake down and started twitching and muttering agresive death threats.
as i entered highschool my mom could nolonger stalk me but she continued to interogate me every chance she got. i soon begun to realize i hatted my dad because hes practicaly retarted and doesn’t care about me or any one elts but him self. i remember once i said i wonted to build a chemical lad in my mothers garadge and my dad said “you have to be careful because remember i work right above the garadge”. realy what kind of parent says shit like that.
in grade 9 i started sellin drugs because it made me feel conected to people and happy, i was an asset to my first murder aswell (it was for good reason)
in grade 10 i befriended crips an jamacans aswell as continued to sell drugs. at this time in my life i learned how to be a good “gardener” and became an “inforser” and “problem solver” for those who would pay. (during grae 10 i was still drifting away from my bitch of a mother and retarded father. and my grades were ok i got an 85 persent in math and science with out cheating).
so far in grade 11 i have branched out and now sell weapons aswell. (in the future i wont to build a canadian mafia of only my closest friends in order to finance my dream of owning a company that builds things i invent such as prostetic hearts (i have created blue prints on how i will make them) an stuff like that). i am currently under extreme stress that i have never felt before because i constantly get the urge to brutaly kill both my parients (i can get it done) or run away and live with one of my crew (i can do this too). i just lost 16 hundred dollars in new berettas because of some dumb ass snitch (i might get the plesure of torrturing him) and because my old supplyers have become pussys and abandoned me (they never return my calls and never meet me). and on top of that because of this stress i am now failing my classes.
because my mom beat me i am subcontously unable to have an emotinal or intimate relationship with a girl.(i studdyed pyicoilgy in grade 8 and 9), i constantly feel the need to hurt people, and i feel constantly alone and abandoned.
i, like my brothers have very problematic mental issues because of my mother. forinstance dispuite my brothers abnormaly high amout of “friends” (people who are always with him and find him to be halarious) he feels constantly alone and he can’t have an intimate relationship with a girl.
my other brother is a dumb ass rat (some one who is obsesed with fallowing the law and subcontously is unable to with hold information that is best left unsaid). he also in unable to have an intimate relationship with girls.
on another note i have never realy talked to my brothers and got to know them and they have never got to know me. over the past couple months i have develped random mental instability (i randomly start twitching and feel like hurting people near me)
because of my job i am constantly armed and in the past have tryed to kill myself but it always went werong so i have given up.
what should i do woody
please help my